“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”
African Proverb
We are going through some difficult times and things seem to be falling apart. With the pandemic and numerous issues causing division, we all need to be more united and focused on resolving the challenges we face. Unfortunately, it’s like we are all passengers in cars, stuck in the fast lane. Our burden’s are doing the driving. They are pushing the gas pedal to the floor, while we sit apathetic, as our cars are going in many different directions. America has a mental health and culture problem that is unaddressed and taking us nowhere fast. It is causing us to be quick with our thought process towards everyone and everything. We are quick to:
- post, tweet, respond
- ridicule
- violence
- hate
- anger
- believing lies
- think negatively
- distrust
- dishonor
- de-value
- label
- hurt
- be selfish
How can we fix this? Well first, we must acknowledge that there are problems and division. We need to slow down and realize that our burdens are taking us away from our God given purpose. As stated in The Third Option by Miles McPherson, he breaks down how culture has divided us into In-Groups and Out-Groups. Our in-group consists of people who are “most like you” based on things like race, gender, religion, economic status, interests, profession, and etc. Our out-group consists of people who are “not like you”; those you don’t relate to as much or not at all. The problem our society has, is that people are so blinded by their in-group that they can’t see or understand others. The pandemic has contributed to this as well, since we have had to stay physically separated. The media or information that people choose to consume has also played a role in this problem. If you are only listening to in-group information, learning from in-group people, and canceling people from your social media or life because they are different from you. . .then you’re just going at it alone; away from your purpose.
We also need to deal with our mental health because our in-group bias is causing people to react and respond in destructive ways. The main reaction we have seen most is anger. Anger is a natural feeling but when that anger becomes a weapon, like a car speeding out of control, we are destroying each other’s purpose. To deal with the anger, Portia Allie-Turco suggests using assertive communication. Here is an excerpt from her article that focuses on ways to deal with anger:
“Assertive communication is the healthiest form of communication because it’s a way of expressing feelings, thoughts, and beliefs in an open, yet honest manner without violating the rights of others.
Assertive communication requires that the person state what occurred as a set of factual claims, instead of judging, shaming, blaming or negatively labeling.
This allows a person to share how the event impacted them without lashing out at others.
An example of a tool from assertive communication is the use of “I-statements”.
For example, instead of saying, “You’re a jerk”, an I-statement would be, “I felt disrespected when my book is taken without permission, could you please ask me next time?”.
A 3-step framework for practicing healthy communication is: “I felt…”- “when…”- “next time…”.
It should also be noted that abusive anger – any kind of shouting and screaming – is a form of verbal abuse. If you’re prone to abusive anger, it’s important to try practicing paced breathing before speaking.” (Allie-Turco, Portia, “6 Tools for Effectively Dealing With Anger” The Wellness Society, accessed January 30, 2021, https://thewellnesssociety.org/dealing-with-anger-6-top-tools/)
The way to right the wrong is to turn the light of truth upon them.
Ida B. Wells
If we can identify the problems, talk with each other, listen more, understand ourselves, and show empathy. . .we can gain control of the burdens that currently divide us. We can all slow down and go far together, in the same direction. We can all feel free.
“And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”
John 8:32 KJV
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